I have a con I want to see on the Sunday after the season finale which is when I usually put my reviews together. I was hoping that by the weekend before it, the season finale would leak so I could get the review ready to be put in journal form the day the episodes officially are released. Imagine my shock when I found out all four final episodes got leaked. Perfect opportunity to try and get them all done and ready beforehand (I will still put them in journal form and release them the week they debut). So I am typing this on October 12th but you are reading it now on the 15th.
When I first saw the name of the episode, it seemed strange. Then I realized it was a simple pun! If you've read my reviews you know I'm a pun factory so not noticing it should come as a surprise. It is a take on secrets and lies. I guess I can assume the episode will have secrets and... well, lies. With the pun it will also involve pies, which says to me Pinkie Pie will be in it. This will have to suffice for my intro as I can't think of anything cleaver enough. So without further ado, here is my SoC for Secrets And Pies!
*Sure enough, we open up on Sugar Cube Corner with Pinkie calling out ingredients.
Ingredients*The best cooks don't need measuring devices. The best ones like my late Grandma Joe would use a pinch of that, a dash of that, a handful of those.
*THE Masterpiece!
*So is Rainbow Dash.
*Because rainbows are made in Cloudsdale?
*Cute little laugh aside, that many different spices and sweets there are bound to be ones that don't go good together.
*All those sound good except the towel. Wouldn't that make the thing a bit dry?
Towel*I thought she preferred either Apple Jack's pie or Twilight's considering they are the two more popular Rainbow Dash shipping?
I regret nothing!
*She sure is cuckoo for coco! Heck, lets face it, she's just plain cuckoo.
*Not after you've eaten it. Germs!
*Of course not, with only 73 ingredients there is no room for chocolate.
Not*That was cute little animation with her explaining that chocolate as coal for her train.
*So is that how you justify gluttony?
*That is the extent of your break privileges? Those are some deplorable working conditions! Deplorable
*How exactly is doing a train impression going to help bake the cake?
*Don't encourage her Twilight!
Don't*Look at who we've got in the background there! Sky Stinger and Vapor Trail! That cute couple from Top Bolt, an episode that I just watched the day of this typing (October 12th)
*Which was your original name!
Surprise*That's funny, Twilight said the same thing!
*You were too impatient to wait for the 100th. You impatient? That's ridicu... yeah, makes sense.
*Every time somepony(one) says you didn't have to do something generous, that always is the go to response. Otherwise it wouldn't be generous. Go To
*And..... now the whole thing is gone.
Gone*There is no way she is not going know what happened to the whole thing. Unless she goes into Patrick star mode.
Way*That is correct, Cinnamon Girl!
*Wait a minute, she only took the slice? Perfectly good waste of the "what's that" trick!
Trick*So you'll get too fat to fly fast and ruin your career as a Wonderbolt. A perfect diabolical plan Pinkie!!!
*Sounds like she just made up a lie. I have a feewing, Wainbow Dash up to someting!
*I can't believe it, it's in the trash! Could it be she never liked Pinkie's pie?
*The episode title is misleading. Rainbow Dash appears to be full of secrets, but not pies!
*Dun dun dunnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!
*Pinkie must be drunk because she appears to be... trashed!
*No, but if you hum a few bars I'll fake it. Wait, that saying doesn't work here, forget I said anything.
Hum*Poor guy is like, "Is she going to kill me if I give the wrong answer?"
*Wrong answer, it's Time To Die! I'm kidding, she'll probably just maim you.
*You're in luck, you get to Live Another Day!
*Nose Boop O'clock motherbuckers!!!!!
*Down Pinkie Pie, down girl! Bad Pinkie!
*Good answer. Just tell her what she needs to know and nopony gets hurt.
Answer*That's right, just back away slowly. No sudden movements, they can smell fear.
*Nice little 60s Batman parody!
*Wouldn't be the first time little Miss Party Of One!
*Too much chocolate will make you fat, but not crazy.
*Banana? I thought it was blueberry.
*Here we go again, Pinkie Pie going crazy!
*Unless it's true?
*Sure, let's go with that one. Forget any rational explanation with a factual basis in reality. Something totally nonsensical sounds like the best place to start.
Sure*Gummy has a brain the size of a pebble fraction and even he doesn't buy that.
*Oh, this will be good.
*Yup, I was right.
Right*That was funny!
*And how would they even get the water inside her head? Too full of herself for there to be room.
Head*That's gross, all the exercise she gets and she can't bother washing up. I hope she at least uses deodorant.
*So Twilight isn't the only pony who takes meticulous records of everything she does.
*It could be you're making too many pies? A pie for every little minor occasion can really put one off of them after a while.
Pies*I spy, beside the pie, Derpy! The unsung hero of the movie!
*Now, did that actually happen or is she imagining that?
Imgagining*Yeah, nothing but LIES!!!!!!!
*Well there's the problem, Pinkie falls for the same trick everytime!
Problem*Some mad skills right there!
*Then it worked as intended!
Intended*Starting to look that way.
*I think that, maybe was a yes. Like insturciton manuals, gators are hard to read sometimes.
*Even with Gummy you fall for it!
*That's not an answer, that's a hat!
*No, fraternizing is not allowed!
Come on, have ever even read one of my SoCs?!
*Ah ha! There in on it! It's on conspiracy!!!
Conspiracy*So a yes and a no at the same time? That's a very confusing answer.
*If she's not eating them, why throw them away? Giving them to Soarin would seem like a more proficient way.
*Ponies of interest? How interesting!
*Everything about the subject at hand or everything in general. Because this is only a 20 minute show.
*Ok, so she's not throwing away all of them. She's actually donating some to charity.
All*Well, just make sure the pies aren't having their civil rights infringed upon. Otherwise any positive ID could be thrown out by the judge.
*What does a veterinarian have to do with identifying pies?
*Oh, right. Rainbow Dash has a pet. I forgot.
Pet*"Oh, when I was a young filly I found I had a knack for taking care of animals and that's when I realized... oh wait, you mean Tank's tummy troubles."
*Uh, you may have to explain that to her, I'm not sure Pinkie Pie can grasp such a concept as too much sugar.
Concept*I like how she read that like a pharmacy commercial!
*Why, that's the best kind of peach pie ain't it? Again, I'm thinking too many pie occasions.
*Plop, plop, fizz, fizz! Oh what a relief it is! Sorry, too much TV in ones life tends to have side effects.
*So it's a driver license picture? Those are never pretty.
Pretty*Always amazed at how versatile her hair is!
*That's um... physically impossible. Then again I'm talking about a cartoon but if I go by that logic I might as well not even do these SoCs.
*The lab? I don't recall her having any staff.
*And why the hell would the flavor of pie even be relevant in a medical emergency?
Hell*No, because that would be stupid.
*Miss Cheerilee? Haven't seen her in a while, time for a return!
Miss*Well I know a pie wasn't found in that, the poor thing would explode!
Explode*It's a Pandemic!!!
*Patient Zero?!!! I know I just did a song but this one ties into another Perfectly.
*Them some dumb children you're teaching.
*But ponies are animals and... sigh. Nevermind.
Animals*Um, bakeries! Duh!!!
*I think Pinkie is about to be sick.
*That's what it sounded like to me.
*Well if it talks like a duck and walks like a duck, you can probably be sure it ain't no turkey.
*You could almost count on it!
*So glad that they can bathe in your tears?
*Or glad for that.
*Well that's all a garbled and sticky mess!
*Yes, it's a bit of a technicality, but... Nose Boop O'clock again motherbuckers!!!!
*"If only I had teeth, I could eat that! Make her Stumpy Pie!"
*Man, all those Wasted Years!
*You can't handle the truth!!! (Video contains foul language, you have been warned)
*Who says Pinkie's has no brain, it's like a well run computer!
*Pie, eye, pie! She's had a revelation!
*Seriously? You had to go through all that just to figure our what we all knew several scenes ago?!
*Nooooo!!!!!
(1:59)
*Well looky here, it's everyone's favorite apple bucker, Apple Jack!
*Pay no attention to that AJ, it's just standard Pinkie.
It's*"What the hay is..."
*Thaaaaaaaatttt...."
*That is some skill!
*No, she's Pinkie.
*Well that depends. If you're screaming because something has fallen off, I doubt it's very fun.
*She was lying!
*Wow, that is one glowing compliment from one who values apples above all else!
*Random Pinkie is always a winner!
*Well of course, how else would she know she didn't like the pies if she didn't at least try one.
Course*And a here we go.... Nose Boop O'clock yet again motherbuckers!!!!!
*Pinkie seems to be a pro at interrogation. She can put anypony off their game. Even the unappable Flap Jack!
*You sound confused. Was that a statement or a question?
Question*Sure about that as that that's an anaconda.
*Exactly what? She said maybe.
*Laughing a them? Scheming to get rid of them? Pies?! Okay.
Laughing*Her imagination is running away from her again. If it doesn't come back... with cake, then there is no getting it back.
*Another badass look for Dash!
*I don't know, did you ever have the baked bads AJ made?
*Rainbow Dash's pie druids await her command.
*Hardly disgusting. Maybe bland or underwhelming, but not disgusting.
Disgusting*Ok, as cool as this over exaggeration is, this is a bit too much even for Pinkie's unconventional mind.
*WAYYYYY too much!
*Still cool though!
*Oh god, it's all over her! I... I think I'm going to be sick.
*Fire and eyes! Get it? Fire and ice?!
*Oh the humanity... and the carbs!!!!
*She's a monster! ....of Pinkie's imagination... and not an actual representation of Rainbow Dash.... and therefore doesn't exist... meaning I have no real outrage for this.
*That's a mild way to put it. I'd say Pinkie, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of! Try to keep your theories in the realm of possibilities you air headed sugar addicted junkie! Too harsh?
*Well that's a relief.
Relief*Oh boy.
*Please tell me she isn't going to poison all Equestria.
*Was there a point to crawling into the barrel of apples besides being funny?
*That was a cute little segment (particularly the way she said "a go")!
*Apple Jack! That is a terrible plan, you should be ashamed!
*Gummy will show you the way out.
*That was quite the Rude Awakening!
*You and Pinkie got drunk at Los Pegasus and she is now your lawfully wedded wife.
*I'm sure most of the celebrations Pinkie comes up with are ones nopony has ever heard of before.
Heard*That is a nice pie!
*Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answers to.
*To borrow a previous repeated statement, that's oddly specific!
Oddly*Oh, a new technique (good thing, Pinkie wasn't going to fall for the "look over there" trick this time)! Cover her in pollen so her allergies kick causing her to sneeze in and then you can get rid of the pie that way.
*And now, the pie is gone.
*Now that is called being prepared!
*And now Tank is in for another trip to the vet!
*You've just been had Pinkie.
*I think that just might break Pinkie.
*You can never accuse Pinkie of giving up easy.
*Just Eat It!
*I'll say, just eat one pie and it can stop.
*Let's see you get your way out of this smeg head!
*Eh, eh, eh! Not this time!
Time*Should've known!
*Poor Pinkie! Perhaps it's time for her to just take the direct approach and confront her... like she probably should've done.
*With all the damage she has taken over the years, if there was ever internal injuries it's probably too late.
*You lying bitch!
Bitch*If she hasn't gone off the deep end by now... a fall from those pies will do it.
*You probably should have put more thought into that idea.
*Direct approach!
*Her plan is obviously... a pie in the sky!
*The best food is the kind you can wear!
*She has gone overboard with pie overload!
*"Now eat them!" That sequence was a riot and made for a great screenshot animation (too many pictures for the review so I only picked the best)!
*Using children! For shame!!!!
*Is this it? Is she going to blow?!
*No, I guess she has a bit more patience before lift off.
*It's a pie Festival! Perfect place for the cat to get out of the bag!
*Cotton Candy has gone crazy! Actually she's already been crazy, this goes beyond it.
*She don't look so good.
*Just do it, put her out of her misery!
*Blinking is for losers!
*Rainbow Dash is doing this deliberately to torture her!
*Pinkie, stop doing this to yourself. Just confront her about the issue and stop with all these silly... phychotic games!
*This HAS to be her exploding point!
Has*She's going to stop at the last minute.
*That depends, do you have any soul?!!!
Soul*So close! Rainbow Dash is a total bitch.
*About damn time!
*Everypony's in shock at that revelation!
*Hoisted on your own petard!
*Let me guess you had that answer up your balloon mail just to pull it out here.
Up*Ok, I think you just lost her there.
*Yes, you've been lying with all of them... this fandom ships all!
*I think she can emphatically tell you that there is nothing she's said that you SHOULD know.
*And just what do you think this has done?
Done*More like broke her, but the gist of what AJ said is true.
*Or perhaps just told her you don't care for pies?
Told*Whatever it is, I guess you could try.
*Piggy Pie!
*There it is! There it is! Eye Roll O'clock mother buckers!!!!!
*Twilight's like, "That's not helping!"
*Pieling system? So stupid of a pun, I love it!!!
*It was so borderline, I debated it. I have decided that it won't count.
*I though this was to make her feel... better!
*That is the grossest thing on a kid's cartoon to never bee seen on Nickelodeon!
*Call her bluff Pinkie! Call her bluff!!!!
Bluff*I know she doesn't like washing, but perhaps after this she will.
*Please don't stop her Pinkie! Please don't stop her! Please...!
*AWWWWW!!!!! Why not?!!!!
*What now? Are the lasers going to come out of her mouth?
Mouth*AWWWWW!!!!! That was so damn sweet, I actually teared up! Now I feel bad about the whole Rainbow Dash is a bitch and I want her to eat that garbage thing!!!
Thing*And now you two can finally stop this silly Charade!
*Yeah that's sweet. Now can Rainbow hurry up and wash that disgusting mess off of her?
*Perhaps she should wash up first?
Perhaps*That is the most adorable thing I've seen that ever made me want to throw up!
*She's doing you a favor. You can't smell that crap if you can't breathe.
*Yeah, nopony cares Fletcher Reede.
*That's not going to stop her.
*Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*This one I'm not going to debate, before the episode ends it's Eye Roll O'Clock motherbuckers!!!!!
What a cute and funny episode with some great psychotic Pinkie moments! It seemed like another entertaining Pinkie being Pinkie episode but they ended up throwing in some genuine feels. I was a bit annoyed at RDs deception even to the point that it was clearly breaking Pinkie. However, her heart was in the right place even though her brain may have been somewhere else. The revelation of why she was doing what she was doing genuinely brought a tear to my eye. Doing the reviews over a period of several days helped quite a bit and allowed me to be more focused on the review and I was able to come up with more material. Though funny enough, not more screenshots. My screenshot count is pretty average especially with all the bonus shots and screenshots used to capture animations. Anyway, this may not be my strongest SoC but I think I did a decent job. If some of the stuff seems odd, remember a lot of the reviewing was done around bedtime on worknights but I think most of it is coherent. Well, that raps it up for me and I will give this episode a 4/5 or a 8.8/10! Fun all around. Well motherbuckers, as always I end with bonus screenshots and the parting shot:
"I'm worried. With pie being the central theme of this episode, I just know this will be filled with perversions. This creep can't help himself."
She's possessed!!!
"I'm going to bake these pies to DEATH!!!!"
"Check out this bird call Fluttershy taught me!!!"
"It's time to ship!!!!!!"
"You ready to eat my pie?!"
"With a little Spanish fly mixed in, she will be mine!"
"Guess it was a failed batch. Damny Rainbow's got a hot flank!"
"Uh oh, you've been spotted. Act fast!"
"Sooooo... Come around here often?"
"Forget it, I'll just kill you and dispose of the body. Nopony will ever know."
"That would never happen, you are sick!!!! Well, there was that ONE time... "
"Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight..." An American Tale reference, 80s kids will know it.
"Um, her eye is sticking out of her skull. That's not right!"
"Could you, um... put your eye back into it's socket, that's kind of gross."
"Don't talk to me about gross, I've heard about the Wonderbolt's pie orgies! Now I know where you got all them from."
"If I hear any shipping jokes involving me, you'll wake up with your kidneys missing."
"Sometimes you have be firm with them. Just like pets, perverts respond to sharp commands."
"I just realized, I left the oven on!"
"That one was totally random, and not funny in any way. Maybe the perverted comments are needed after all."
"The fandom needs to stop worrying about me. I don't need Big Mac. Actually with a special invention, I don't need ANY stallion!"
"You're right, the perversions ARE funnier!!!!"
"Yeah, they are a necessary evil. They're still pretty cringeworthy though."
"Objection! Objection! Objection!!!!!"
"I'm not constipated, I'm ANGRY!!!!!"
"Nopony makes a fool out of me, I am perfectly capable of it myself!!!"
Apple Jacks driver's licence is typical of so many. They really should let you have a do over.
"That IS an ugly driver's licence!"
"Join me my minions, and no pie will survive our wrath!!!!!"
"This would be 20% cooler if it weren't some figment of Pinkie's deranged imagination!"
"I'm going to make a very 'special' apple pie JUST for Rainbow Dash and MAKE her eat it!"
"There, that will make these apples EXTRA special!"
"Try another poop joke like that and you will be wearing this!"
"Poop jokes? I LOOOOOVE those!!!!!!!"
"He's a chicken I tell you, a giant chicken!!!!"
"It's rape time!!!!"
"You're supposedly a lesbian, I'm sure you can handle all those pies!"
"What? Was it something I said?"
"Don't you find me pretty anymore?!"
"I think I liked it better when she was angry at me."
Until next week motherbuckers, It's Parting Shot O'clock!!!!!